This is a topic of the day post .
I always imagined Love was a personal feeling ; (like 20,000 screamin fans adoring their rock idol or somethin ).
I suppose chemistry and attraction has a lot to do with it but does love mean sex all the time?
If you are like me , I used to not like having sex , in fact it seemed more like torture and to be honest men scared me a lot. It wasn’t until I had many children (7 ) that I found I was more comfortable with my sexuality . It was after my 5th child that I actually enjoyed myself and felt like a normal human being for wanting sex . I am not sure what happened but I guess it’s because of having to endure the pain of childbirth that I found that sex was like breathing and definitely more pleasureful idk ; and Yes I was sexually abused by my husband(not my dad) and was a victim of sex crimes. I am starting to revert to my old habits again though . Not wanting sex , and I still have strong urges but I kind of wished I didn’t .
Anyway , love just doesn’t come easy for me. All the boyfriends that I ever had until recently , never loved me the way I needed to be loved . They all wanted sex basically . There was no fond feelings or good times(friendship) or the pitter patter of the heart or the sweaty palms, nor all the mushy romantic stuff with any of them to be honest. Sure I found some of them attractive and vice versa but I guess you could say that nobody loved me , not even myself unfortunately, but that came after fornicating too frequently.
I probably have daddy issues but I don’t know the extent of it . Oh well . I always hated my dad for some reason(he never physically hurt us either) and it has never been a priority to make the effort to change my feelings towards him and I don’t even know how that could possibly happen or even if I want to because after all I am the result of my experiences whether they were good or bad it does not matter to me . I don’t think my dad knew how to love us appropriately . I mean his sexual love towards my mother was more important to him I think. His heart was distant from us kids most of the time
If love were a feeling then it would have to be much stronger than all my other feelings that get in the way. That has never happened The bible says Love conquers all(by that I mean it never fails as per 1cor13:8) hmmm ….replace Love with God. I have some pretty bad feelings at times . Fear is one of them. Hate is an awful feeling that I struggle with in my relationships . If Love were a strong feeling than it would have conquered all of my feelings so that they disappear. I’ve even told my priest confessor once that I didn’t love God 😦 because I don’t know who He is !
I have often heard that Love is a choice . Love is sacrifice etc. etc. etcetera. boy o boy that makes everything else seem petty! I can’t stand people and their petty problems , honestly.
So having said that, Love suffers and it isn’t a bed of roses without the pricks . Love hurts whether you like it or not . We are not yet perfect and there is always room for improvement and it is like a refining fire . Love is precious like gold is .
1. Love suffers
2. Love hurts
3. Love is fire
4. Love is precious