Jackie's Forget Me Nots

No vase can overflow if you never fill it up.

I am going to be making the biggest decision of my life, and I wish I didn’t have to. In fact, I feel so sorry it gives me the worst opinion. That’s right; I am a big sinner. I have to break up with my boyfriend. It will break his heart and I would rather not; I’d rather fall in love with him, but it’s life or death situation because the “Catholic Church” says it’s wrong to live together and be having sex when you aren’t married.

The Bible tells us to flee fornication Fornication to me is like raping someone, mistreating them sexually to gratify your flesh. In my case, I don’t think it’s that. I believe that it’s sexual and emotional immaturity and co-dependency; lack of discipline or self-control perhaps.

The bible also says “But for fear of fornication, let every man have his wife, and let every woman have her husband.” I don’t know how much longer I can go on living like this.

I don’t know what else to do but pray, and it’s like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I met my boyfriend, and he loves me, and I don’t want to hurt him.

On the bright side, I don’t mind living alone; it’s just that I have sexual urges. I’m worried I won’t be able to tame or stop them altogether, and it almost always happens that someone else comes along as if God knows our needs. Why can’t it be that I fall in love with someone who is in love with me now? Or vice versa? *sigh*

I have yet to understand what love is. I don’t understand why I have any romantic feelings for my boyfriend now. I wish I could make the right decision already.

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